I've officially been away from Montana for 4 months. Crazy how time flies. I can't say things have gotten easier. In certain aspects they have, such as I don't have a desperate need to be with Will anymore. I do miss him, but I know I have made the right choice. I know it sounds dumb and is probably completely wrong of me to say, but right now the hardest thing is that I am hurting him. (I know that it sounds rediculous, but I can't help it. That's what love is right? You don't want the other person to hurt, even if they hurt you. And yes, I do still love him. I don't know if that will ever change.) He wants me to come back so bad, it's crazy. The problem is that he should have said the things he is saying 4 months ago before I left. He's literally begging (and I mean crying/guilt trips/telling me how much he loves and misses me) me to come back. I can't. I just can't do that again. He hurt me too bad after our divorce... and even if we were divorced, the things he did were hurtful and mean. I'm finally getting to the point where some days I don't want to talk to him! And some days I don't. I still don't call him unless I need something, but he still calls me almost every day.
For the last week, I have been in fear of having to deal with a possible "illness" that is not easily fixed. I don't want to go into too much detail about it because until I know for sure that I have it, I don't want to freak people out. I had a blood test that says that I have it, however the doctor I went to see yesterday thinks there is a good chance that the test was wrong. I haven't done anything that would cause me to get this and so he's going to check again and let me know. Lucky me, I'll probably find out the results of the test in Disneyland. Lets pray I'm ok cause I don't want to have to deal with something like this. It really scares me.
Working at the theater is fabulous! I absolutely love it! Sounds crazy? Yes... but I forgot how much I love it there. My bosses are FABULOUS not to mention my friends. I work 3-4 days a week in the box office where I can just read and do homework when it's not busy (which is most of the time) and I almost always work days so I don't have to close. I love it.
I've also been helping out my cousin by watching her two-year-old daughter Kenlee while she's at work. She just started this week, but I'm going to be watching her on the mornings I don't work. I think I forgot how much I LOVE two-year-olds. Maybe I'm crazy or somethin, but I love them. Kenlee is so smart. She comunicates so much better than most of the two-year-olds that were in my daycare. I can ask her a question and she answers it... even if it's something that I thought would confuse her, it doesn't. She does a lot of sign language which I'm slowly learning (probably more to her frustration cause it takes me a minute to figure out what she's asking). This is actually probably the highlight of my week... hangin out with a two-year-old. I love it!!!!!
I took some pics of Kenlee today, I thought I'd post. She's so cute!
Oh how awesome, Nat! I feel so guilty leaving her with you because i feel i might be putting you out, but this makes me feel a lot better about it. She loves hanging out with you. When i tell her you're coming over, she gets all excited! I really appreciate you watching her. It means so much to us!
ReplyDelete